Hi. I’m Eskay.

  • I am a human first, therapist second. Always a music lover. I am a human who has acquired the skill of a therapist, not the other way around. I help people who are tired of performing find their way back to themselves. To feel safe in their own skin. Honest in their relationships. At home in their own lives. (And I have been there too). I am a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC) with the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA).
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About Me

I know what it feels like to carry something heavy without a name for it. For years, I sat across from people in crisis as a Correctional Peace Officer. I saw the weight they carried, and I felt my own. On the outside, I was steady and capable. On the inside, I was asking the same questions my clients were asking: Who am I becoming? What am I supposed to do with this? Does anyone else feel this lost? Slowing down did not feel like an option. I did not know how to change that, and part of me did not believe it was possible.
So I went back to school. I earned a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from Yorkville University. I trained in EMDR, attachment theory, and existential approaches. I became a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC) with the CCPA. But the real turning point was realizing that technique alone does not heal. Being truly seen does.
Now, I help people who are tired of performing find their way back to themselves. Not by fixing them, but by walking alongside them. By creating a space where they do not have to have the right words or the perfect story. Where they can simply be human, and so can I. You do not have to navigate that alone.

What Now?

What does an integrative approach actually look like with me? It starts with you. Not a diagnosis, not a framework, not a one-size-fits-all plan. We need to understand where you are, how you got here, what you have tried, and what you actually want. From there, we move at your pace. Some sessions are practical: building tools for anxiety, communication, or emotional regulation using ACT, CBT, or DBT. Other sessions go deeper: exploring the stories you carry, the patterns that keep you stuck, the existential questions beneath the surface. I am trained in EMDR for trauma, attachment theory for relationships, and narrative therapy for identity and grief. But these are not boxes I put you in. They are options we reach for together if they serve you. My primary goal is simple: to truly understand where you are and walk alongside you toward where you want to be. No performance. No jargon. Just two humans, figuring it out together. One size does not fit all. And you don’t have to fit into one.
"Meanings are not always found in the answers but in the willingness to face the questions".
Eskay Ilori

Portfolio

  • Coaching Coaching in therapy is an approach where a therapist helps you focus on your goals and future, guiding you to take practical steps toward the life you want. It combines emotional support with action helping you gain clarity, build confidence, and turn your insights into real progress.
  • Therapy Therapy is a supportive process where a trained professional helps you understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, so you can cope better, heal, and grow. It provides a safe space to talk openly, work through challenges, and develop healthier ways of thinking, feeling, and living.
  • Mentoring Mentoring in therapy is a supportive approach where a therapist offers guidance, wisdom, and encouragement based on experience to help you grow and navigate life challenges. It focuses on building insight, confidence, and personal development, while gently guiding you toward healthier choices and a more fulfilling path.

Services

Students (Coaching and Mentoring)

Couples Therapy

First Responders

Family Therapy

Individual Therapy

Frame Work

My Existential Framework: The Four Ultimate Concerns
I am deeply influenced by the work of Irvin Yalom, a psychiatrist and writer who believed that many of our deepest struggles are not signs of illness, but responses to the fundamental realities of being human. He called these the “ultimate concerns”: death, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness. These are not problems to be solved. They are conditions we all must learn to live with. And when we ignore them, they tend to show up anyway: as anxiety, as depression, as the vague sense that something is missing from a life that looks fine on the outside. Here is how I understand each one, and how they show up in therapy.

  • Death We all know, somewhere beneath the surface, that we will not live forever. But most of us spend a great deal of energy not thinking about it. We stay busy. We achieve. We distract. When death anxiety goes unacknowledged, it can show up as a fear of taking risks, a reluctance to make changes, or a quiet desperation as we realize time is running out. In our work together, we may explore what it would mean to live more fully, not in spite of death, but because of it.
  • Isolation No matter how many people love us, no matter how connected we feel, there is a part of each of us that is ultimately alone. No one can fully enter our mind, feel our exact pain, or die our death for us. This is not the same as loneliness, though loneliness is often a symptom of it. Existential isolation is the recognition that we are the only one who has lived our specific life. In therapy, we don’t try to eliminate this isolation. We cannot. But we can face it together, and in that shared facing, the isolation becomes more bearable.

  • Freedom Freedom sounds like a good thing. But freedom also means responsibility. It means there is no one else to blame for how your life has turned out. It means you have to choose, and every choice closes off other possibilities. This can be terrifying. Many clients come to therapy feeling stuck, not because they lack options, but because the weight of choosing feels too heavy. In our work together, we will explore what you truly want, what you are afraid of losing, and what it might mean to take ownership of your life without being crushed by the responsibility.
  • Meaninglessness We are meaning-making creatures. We need to believe that our lives matter, that our suffering has purpose, that we are building something that will outlast us. But the universe does not guarantee meaning. We have to create it for ourselves. When meaning feels absent, clients often describe a kind of flatness. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but nothing feels right either. They go through the motions but don’t feel present. In our work together, we will explore what gives your life meaning, what you are willing to struggle for, and what you want your life to stand for, not in spite of the uncertainty, but within it.

How This Shows Up in Our Work

I don’t assume every client wants to explore existential questions. Some clients come to therapy wanting practical tools for anxiety or concrete skills for communication. We start there. That is what they need. But when the deeper questions arise, I am ready to meet them. When a client says, “What is the point?” or “I should be happy, so why am I not?” or “I am running out of time,” I recognize those as existential invitations. They are not symptoms to be eliminated. They are signs that you are paying attention to what it means to be human. I don’t have answers to these questions. No one does. But I can sit with you while you ask them. And sometimes, that is enough.

My Approach / Philosophy

I believe therapy is not something I do to you. It is something we build together. I am a human who has acquired the skill of a therapist, not the other way around. That means I don’t hide behind jargon, neutrality, or a blank wall of professional distance. I show up as myself, and I invite you to do the same.
  • 1 The Relationship Is What Heals You will hear me say this often. Not because it sounds good, but because I have seen it to be true. Clients don’t heal because I have a particular certification or because we follow a specific manual. They heal because they feel truly seen by another person. Techniques have their place. EMDR helps the brain process trauma. CBT helps untangle unhelpful patterns. DBT builds skills for emotional regulation. But these tools rest on the foundation of a genuine, authentic connection between two people willing to do the hard work together. Without that, techniques are just techniques. With it, they become something else: a shared language for change.
  • 2 You Are the Expert on Your Life I am not here to diagnose you from a distance or fit you into a framework you don’t recognize. You know yourself better than I ever could. My job is to walk alongside you, to ask honest questions, to help you see what you may have stopped allowing yourself to see. Some clients come wanting practical tools. Others come wanting to understand the roots of what troubles them. Most want both. We will figure out together what you need, when you need it.
  • 3 The Thread That Runs Through All of It Whatever we are working on, whatever tools we use, the foundation is always the same: a space where you don’t have to perform, explain yourself perfectly, or justify how you feel. A space where you can be exactly where you are, and we figure it out together. That is what I offer. That is what I believe heals.
  • 4 What Lies Beneath I am drawn to what is underneath the surface. The patterns that keep repeating. The old scripts you did not write. The existential questions that have no easy answers: Who am I becoming? What do I truly long for? Where do I belong when I feel most myself? These are not problems to be solved. They are invitations to explore. And they deserve a space where they can be spoken aloud without judgment. My practice is also culturally informed. I hold space for the many identities, backgrounds, and experiences you carry. And when spirituality arises naturally in our work, I welcome those conversations too. Whether you name it God, the universe, nature, or something beyond words, the deepest questions deserve to be asked.
  • 5 What You Will Notice About Working with Me I am direct. I don’t waste your time. I don’t believe in performative therapy or approaches that don’t serve you. Clients have told me they feel safe with me. Heard. Not judged. They appreciate that I can reframe things in a way that actually lands, that gives them insight they can use when they leave my office. I am not the expert on your life. You are. But I will be fully present while you figure out what you need.

What to Expect

Starting therapy can feel uncertain. You might not know exactly what to say or where to begin. You don’t have to. I will guide us through the process, and you can show up exactly as you are.
  • Before Your First Session Once you reach out, we will schedule a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video. This is a chance for you to ask questions, share what is bringing you in, and get a sense of whether I feel like the right fit for you. There is no pressure, no commitment, and no charge. If we decide to move forward, I will send you a few simple forms to complete online before we meet.
  • Your First Session The first session is about understanding. I will ask about what brought you here, what you have tried before, and what you are hoping for. You can share as much or as little as you feel ready to share. There is no expectation to dive into the hardest thing right away. We go at your pace. Some clients feel relief just from being asked the right questions. Others need time to build trust. Both are fine. By the end of the first session, we will have a clearer sense of what you need and how I can help. If I am not the right fit for any reason, I will help you find someone who is.

What a Typical Session Looks Like

There is no “typical” session, because you are not a typical client. But here is what you can generally expect:
  • We will check in on what has come up since we last met
  • We will explore what is present for you in the moment
  • We will work toward whatever goal we have set, whether that means building skills, processing something difficult, or making sense of a pattern
  • Near the end, I may ask what felt useful or what you want to focus on next time
I am direct. If I notice something that might be important, I will name it. If you are avoiding something, I will gently point it out. But I will never push you faster than you are ready to go.

How Long Will Therapy Take?

That depends on you, what you are bringing, and what you want. Some clients come for a few sessions to work through a specific issue or life transition. Others stay for months or years, using therapy as a space for deeper exploration and ongoing growth. We will check in regularly about how things are going and adjust as needed.

What If I Am Not Ready?

You don’t have to be ready to start. You can simply reach out with questions. I will answer them honestly, with no pressure to book. If you are not sure therapy is for you right now, that is okay. The fact that you are reading this page means something in you is paying attention. When you are ready, I will be here.

Testimonial

As a fellow practitioner, I am consistently struck by Eskay’s rare combination of intellectual brilliance, insight, and profound empathy. He possesses one of the most unique clinical minds I have encountered, allowing him to help clients navigate complex challenges from entirely new and impactful perspectives. His approach is masterfully undergirded by Yalom’s existential principles, which he weaves seamlessly with the targeted trauma-processing of EMDR. Drawing on his own lived experience of overcoming adversity, he creates a therapeutic space that is exceptionally safe, person centered, and grounded. He is the colleague I most trust when referring individuals who require both deep philosophical inquiry and evidence-based trauma care."
Loralee Schultz
MACP, RP (Qualifying)
“I had the opportunity to experience Eskay both as a person and within a therapeutic space, and what stayed with me most was the way he holds complexity without needing to resolve it too quickly. He has a quiet ability to challenge you just enough, never intrusive, but never avoidant, which creates a sense of being both supported and meaningfully engaged. It felt less like being guided and more like being accompanied. He is especially attuned to the underlying structure of experience, helping you make sense of what initially feels like mental and emotional chaos, without simplifying it. There’s a depth and intentionality to how he listens and responds that makes you feel genuinely understood, not just heard.”
Nikita
MACP
"Eskay is a colleague with whom I met at Yorkville University. He is kind, supportive, and dependable person, who never turns away when someone is in need. When I reached out to my colleagues about ethical dilemmas, Eskay was the first to respond, and we engaged in many insightful conversations exploring psychological concepts, existential ideas and self-reflection. Observing Eskay’s approach drew me toward existential psychology myself. I was particularly struck by the thoughtful and often challenging questions he brings into his work, encouraging deeper reflection and meaning-making. Although I haven’t been to therapy with Eskay, but I can only imagine that he creates a positive and supportive therapeutic environment. Through an existential lens, he helps clients explore their experiences, develop self-awareness, and feel empowered to advocate for themselves. His approach fosters autonomy and recognition that change and growth are always possible. I wholeheartedly recommend trying therapy with Eskay for anyone seeking to strengthen their self-esteem and discover their inner capacity."
Ludmilla
MACP
"Eskay brings a blend of clinical curiosity and a deep, intuitive commitment to those he works with. He is a kind and caring individual that will go out of his way to create a comfortable and safe environment that supports individual goals and needs. Eskay is committed to research-based clinical practice and is well versed in multiple modalities. I would recommend Eskay as a practitioner for people looking to make a meaningful and supportive connection.
Erin Jacobs
MACP, CCC

FAQ

I have gathered the questions clients ask me most often. If yours is not here, just reach out. I am happy to answer.

The best way to find out is to book a free 15-minute consultation. You will get a sense of how I work, and I will get a sense of what you need. If I am not the right fit, I will help you find someone who is. No pressure. No hard feelings.

I am a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC). Many insurance plans cover services provided by a CCC. I recommend calling your provider to ask:

  • Do I have coverage for a Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC)?
  • How many sessions are covered per year?
  • Do I need a doctor’s referral?

I provide receipts you can submit to your insurance provider.

Therapy focuses on healing, mental health, and addressing clinical concerns like trauma, anxiety, depression, or relationship distress. Coaching focuses on goals, performance, and personal or professional development. I offer both. If you are unsure which you need, we can figure it out together in a consultation.

  1. Individual Therapy (50 min): $150
  2. Couples Therapy (80 min): $200
  3. Family Therapy (80 min): $200
  4. Student Coaching/Mentoring (50 min): $120

Yes. I offer secure video sessions. Many clients find virtual therapy just as effective as in person, and it removes barriers like travel time or scheduling conflicts.

Please provide at least 24 hours notice if you need to cancel or reschedule. Sessions cancelled with less than 24 hours notice are charged at the full rate, except in cases of emergency or sudden illness.

Most clients come weekly or biweekly, especially at the beginning. Consistency helps build momentum and trust. As you make progress we may space sessions out to every few weeks or monthly. We will find a rhythm that works for you.  

That depends on what you are bringing and what you want. Some clients come for 6 to 12 sessions to work through a specific issue or transition. Others stay for a year or more, using therapy as a space for deeper exploration and ongoing growth. We will check in regularly about your goals and adjust as needed.

Yes. I offer both therapy and coaching for students at any level: high school, university, graduate, and post-graduate. Some students come for mental health support. Others come for coaching around goals, pressure, or navigating the transition into a career. We will figure out what you need.

 

Yes. I see couples and families alongside individual clients. For couples, I draw from Gottman, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Relational Life Therapy. For families, I focus on slowing down reactive cycles, helping each person feel heard, and rebuilding trust.

Yes. I spent a decade as a Correctional Peace Officer. I understand the culture, the weight of the job, and what it costs to keep going long after you should have stopped. If you are a first responder, you don’t need to explain yourself to me. I have lived it.

That is completely fine. Most of my clients have never been to therapy, or tried it once and did not find it helpful. I will guide you through every step. You don’t need to know the right words or have a clear explanation of what is wrong. You just need to show up.

Many people come to therapy feeling something is off but unable to name it. That is a perfectly fine place to start. We will figure it out together.

Reach out through the contact page or email me directly. I will respond within 24-48hours to schedule a free 15 minutes consultation. From there, we will find a time that works for you.

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Contact Me

    Email Me

    eskay@heartfirstcounselling.ca

    Call Me

    +1 (825) 777-0754

    Address

    Alberta, Canada

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